I am Thankful...

I have SO much to be thankful for!! I have learned so much this past year while on my journey to a healthy, happier me! I have learned that I am so much stronger than I thought I was; not just physically but mentally! I can do so much more than I ever gave myself credit for and I am so happy to have learned this about myself. For so many years, I was beat down, had very low self esteem, was depressed and was just existing from one day to the next.

Like so many of us, I have tried dieting and exercise and like I’ve said before, I had LOTS of excuses. It was hard…. Damn hard and I quit more times than I would like to admit! But like the saying goes - Fall seven times, get up eight!

I learned that even though I had been beat down, despite that low self esteem, despite being depressed that I was tired of just existing. I wanted more. I had friends and family that cared about me, so why couldn’t I start caring again? It was time to find and get to know myself again and make some changes.

I did that… or at least, I was beginning to, I was on the right path and headed in the right direction (some days that’s the best we can do) and then I met Sam (I’ve told that Story before…. It’s a great story) and I wanted to dedicate myself to being healthier. I made myself a promise that I would never be in that dark place again and I would shed the 100 or so lbs that I had put on over the past 17 years and I WOULD be successful this time. I was ready. I was more than ready. I was taking control of my life. Every day, I was learning that I had the ability to make the changes needed. Have I slipped up occasionally?? Of course… but I didn’t quit and I didn’t let it get me down. I just brushed myself off and got back on track. Why? Because I want this…. I mean, I really want this.

Over the past year, I have lost 65 lbs. If you add it all up, it’s probably a little more because I lost 60, gained about 15 after surgery and I have lost another 12 since then… but if you are counting from where I started last December…. I’ve still lost 65 lbs and it’s AmAzing!

Would I be happy if I maintained where I am currently? Well, here’s the dealio… Yes, I would be happy…. But I WANT more. I am proud of the progress that I have made and I see the changes that my body is going through and I love it. I love the idea of not having to wear a pair of Spanx with my wedding dress in June, however, IF I have to….. of course I will! I’m looking forward to walking on the beach in Cancun without worrying if people are looking at me. I love seeing the muscle definition forming in what we call my “baby muscles”. I get excited whenever I see something new that I haven’t noticed before. Just this morning, I could see a baby muscle in my triceps while doing some tricep exercises on the cables. I have not seen that before and it was exhilarating.

About two weeks ago, I received a cute new shirt in the mail that I had ordered online. I pulled it out of the package and looked it over. I was so excited to wear it but it looked awful small. I’m wearing a large t-shirt to the gym these days, but this looked like one of those shirts that was made extra small or maybe it was a junior sized shirt… regardless, I took one look at it and knew it wouldn’t fit. I didn’t bother trying it on. I just put in the drawer with the rest of my work out gear and set a goal that I would wear it soon. Last night, I was putting my things together so I could wake up, get dressed and head out the door to the gym. I saw the shirt. I held it up to myself and said, nope…. It’s still too small but what the Hell, I’m gonna try it on anyway. I’ll just see if I can gauge how long it will be before I can wear it. Guess what? It actually fit. I was amazed! Holy Cow, it fit. I’m telling you, by looking at it, it’s awful small…. You know what I learned from that? Apparently, I’m smaller than I think. It’s funny how we see ourselves so much differently than how others see us. I'm thankful my body is changing as a result of my hard work :)

It’s not about the number on the scale. It’s not about the size of the jeans. It’s about how I feel. It’s being confident and feeling on the outside the same as I feel on the inside. I am happy. I am happy and I am thankful for all of the blessings I have received. For all of the people I have met. For all of the people who care about me and my progress. For those who encourage me to work harder than I did the day before. For sharing their own stories and touching me. For people who say they are inspired when they hear my story. It’s unbelievable and I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me when people say that I have inspired them. It makes my heart happy.