Inspiration

I seem to have hit a plateau in my weight loss… Yeah yeah, I know it happens.  I’ll be the first person to tell anyone else to just push thru and you can do it… I’m a great cheerleader… but when it’s me, I’m a little harder on myself.  Go figure.  I’m trying to change things up and force my body to react differently, that’s what usually works for me (We have learned that the hard way).  I remember a time that I would really get down on myself (hey, I'm not perfect!) but I’m getting better about how I deal with it.   

With my latest plateau, I have started thinking about what inspires me, what motivates me, what I need to do to get my act together.  There are a lot of people actually that inspire me.  My friend, Joyce, inspires me.  She is a tough woman who has been dealt a lot.  She is a beautiful, hard working,  single parent.  She finds time to work full time, raise her kids (not to mention she’s an awesome mom), she goes to the gym every day, she is a masters student, she's a good friend…. AND she bakes some pretty kick ass cupcakes… just sayin’.

My sweet cousin, Brooke, inspires me.  She has to be the strongest person I know.  She has two precious children (Zach and Amelia Hope).  They were both born with Hurlers Syndrome, or MPS 1 (Mucopolysaccharidoses).  MPS 1 is a genetic lysosomal storage disease caused by the body’s inability to produce specific enzymes.  Both children have already had bone marrow transplants.  They are the sweetest babies ever and so lucky to have a mom who is such an advocate for them!  She has spent months away from her husband and family to travel out of state so the children could get the best possible care. 

This past weekend, Sam and I went to watch his son compete in a Spartan Race.   That was a pretty awesome experience.  Kyle has a heart condition and just getting out there and participating was pretty inspiring to me.  It was a 4 ½ mile race with obstacles along the way.  Some of those obstacles looked pretty grueling.  We stood for a long time near a rope course (just one of many obstacles) where you had to climb up this rope netting, make your way across, then back down again (this was pretty tall I might add…)  I just watched as these competitors climbed and  thought to myself that there was no way I could do that….  I looked up and noticed people of all shapes and sizes climbing this thing; that was impressive.  There were people with an obvious fear of heights; that was impressive that they were facing their fear…. And about that time… we saw three men climbing the rope.  The first man had only one arm.  The second man had one leg and the third man had no arms.  Wow… my eyes teared up as I watched them make their way thru that obstacle.  It had to be the most inspiring thing I had ever seen in my life!  They climbed one piece of that netting, one step at a time.  One by one, they reached for one piece of netting, using whatever they had to pull themselves along until finally, they made it through the obstacle.  It wasn't easy but they did it.  It took real perseverance and determination.  Wow…. Who am I to complain about anything?  Who am I to say “I can’t”.  Who am I to take so much for granted?  That was a real eye opener! 

I am  by no means ready to do anything like that right now.  I’m doing good to do a 5K race with no obstacles… but I think within a year, we have decided that we might be ready for such an obstacle….let me just make a small clarification, of Team Lori and Sam, half of us are ready to run out and do the Spartan Race (isn't that right honey) but the other half of us, not so much.  I mean, if those men could do it, why can’t we??  I can work on some endurance and strength exercises for my upper body and this time next year… who knows, I may be talking about my own Spartan Race and how I conquered by own fears!

Sometimes, we just have to sit back and take a good look around.  We need to pause and really pay attention to what is going on around us.  We shouldn’t take things so personally and we have to remember that “not everything is about me”.  We need to not take things for granted.  Life is a precious gift.

I was that person that was "asleep" so to speak.  I looked around only as far as my blind eyes would see.  I didn't pay attention to what was going on around me... I felt sorry for myself and had too much going on in my little bubble to really see all of the beauty around me. 

We inspire one another.  We lift each other up.  We remind one another of the important things in life.  Without our friends (or the occasional stranger that really has no idea how much of an impact they may have on our lives), we wouldn’t push ourselves to be better people.  I, for one, wouldn't be who I am right now, if it weren't for the people in my life... the people who motivate me,  inspire me, lift me up.  Without people like Joyce, Brooke, Kyle, the 3 amazing men at the Spartan Race.... people like Sam who see me for what/who I am and for the burning desire to be a better person... who knows where I would be.  I just know that all of these people were placed in my life, however briefly, for a reason.  It's because of people like that that make me try harder each and every day.  It's because of people like that (and many many more) that make me say "I can" instead of "I can't".

Nifty Fifty

Here I am... fifty pounds lighter than I was in December.  Fifty pounds.  Wow.  Who would have thunk it?  That's fifty pounds in 5 months... approximately 10 pounds per month.  If you think about it, that's a big bag of dog food.  It's like a fourth grader.  It's a 20 inch tube television.  It's $200 in quarters.  It’s Fifty pounds. 

I cannot describe how much better I feel.  I can sit with my legs crossed… comfortably.  I never thought that would be something I would talk about much less be posting for all to read.  I also never thought that would be something that would be such a milestone; but there it is.

I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I have lost weight.  I love having these conversations.  Seriously, there is no secret.  No magic pill.  No smoke and mirrors.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money either.  It just takes hard work, determination and you have to burn more calories than you take in...did I mention it was gonna be hard? Not always.... but somedays will be harder than others.  That's life.  Now, I’m not knocking all of those programs, supplements and diets out there.  I’ve tried a lot of them and they all work differently on different people.  I’ve been successful with some and not so much with others.  The bottom line is that I’m trying to learn more about nutrition.  I know I can do a whole lot better and I need to be better educated.  That’s a work in progress… and I know it's something I need more work and help with.

I seriously think that I just had to come to the realization that I needed to make a change in my life.  Sort of like my epiphany.  If you aren’t serious and ready to put your whole heart into it, you just aren’t going to be as successful.  Sure, it may work for a while but it’s easy to get discouraged because you don’t see any progress and quit, it’s also easy to put the weight back on.  Believe me, I know that all too well.  I have quit so many times it’s not funny.  I’m not saying everyone has to get up before the roosters and go to the gym every morning like I do… that’s a personal preference.  I know that I have more energy in the morning.  I prefer that the gym isn’t super crowded.  I like to go early so I can focus on other things during the day (and because I don’t want to have to take another shower and wash my hair at the end of the day… call me lazy).  I also know that I’m tired at the end of the day and won’t get as good of a work out… it’s up to each person.  Do you have to buy an expensive gym membership?  No, absolutely not.  I started by walking a track.  It didn’t cost a dime.  It just takes time.  You have to make a commitment to yourself and stick with it.  You have to set goals.  It has to become a part of your daily routine, even when you just aren’t feeling it… I’ve had plenty of days like that.  I guarantee, when you are having a day like that, I promise you will feel better and you will be proud and feel like you have made an real accomplishment when you finish your exercise, whatever it is. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making modifications along the way either.  That’s what I have done.  It’s how I learn what works best for me.  Remember, everyone is different so what works best on me might not work best on you.  Let me let you in on another little secret…
If you haven’t already started, read your labels.  Educate yourself on the nutritional facts.  Keep a record of what you eat.  Wait…. What?  Yeah,  that’s not always easy.  I’ve lied to myself and not put down something that I ate because I didn’t want to feel the guilt of it later on… but really…. Who does it hurt other than you??  It’s about accountability.  No one needs to see your food journal other than you. 

I went to dinner one night with my aunt and I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to it all day.  I knew just what I wanted to eat, I was “jones-ing” for one of my favorite items on the menu, I’ve had it lots of times.  It was a shrimp taco.  Seafood, cabbage,cilantro…. YUM…. And it was going to be healthy; I couldn’t wait.  We met for dinner and just for the heck of it, I pulled out my trusty phone and looked up the calories  I was about to consume on my nifty little app….. HOLD UP….. WAIT A MINUTE….. WHAT?  My favorite menu item consisted of my entire caloric allowance for the whole day.  Holy Guacamole, Batman!  Needless to say, my heart was sad but I passed and went in search of a new favorite food item to order.  Since that time, I have to put a lot more thought into things.  I don’t go out to eat very often anymore.  Sure there is the occasional lunch or dinner out, I have even been spotted at a local all you can eat Chinese Buffet but the difference is that I plan out where I’m going.  I look up the menu online and I know what I’m going to order once I get there.  The buffet was a rare thing but I still was able to make some descent choices.  My son wanted to go… so far be it from me to tell him no, especially when we had something from his school to celebrate.  I pass on deserts and let me tell you… that is not always easy!!  I just know that I have choices to make and then I have consequences.  Do I eat deserts?  Ocassionally, yes.  I even drink my weekly glass (or 2) of wine… that’s my choice and my reward for doing so well during the week.  What are the consequences you ask?  Well, that may be the needle inching up on the scale.  But it’s give and take… it’s choices that I make and I am in control of what I eat.  I own up and I take the responsibility.  I give myself a free day so I can enjoy (in moderation) the things I don’t normally eat  but what is funny is that I still plan ahead, I still watch what I eat, I still track those calories.  Why?  Because it’s habit. 

Exercise and diet/food in moderation is the key.  Find what works best for you.  Staying focused, being accountable and finding new ways to stay motivated… that is what will help you to be successful.  If I, the Queen of Quitting and of Excuses, can do this… seriously, anyone can.

Fifty pounds..... wow.  I've got quite a journey left to travel and once I reach my target, I move into the maintenance phase... but one thing at a time.  I'm happy about my accomplishment and I will continue doing what I'm doing and I will celebrate each day and with each accomplishment because I'm proud of myself. 

Change

I've been thinking a lot about change.  As we get older and have more life experiences, we change.  I like foods now that I didn't like when I was younger...I like brussels sprouts, asparagus, artichokes, I’m really not too picky, well, aside from  those nasty little green peas and cooked carrots.  I spent hours of my life just staring at my plate thinking there was just no way I was going to eat them.  I thought I might die a lonely old woman at our kitchen table as a child and I really didn't worry about those starving children in India or wherever they were that I was told about.  There is just no amount of time that will change my mind on that one!

I was a pretty active child.  I played softball and I loved it.  I wasn't the most graceful and I won't bore you with the time I tripped over home plate and tried to play it off as me sliding into home... anyone who knows anything knows you start your slide before home plate.... not after.... but like I said... I won't embarrass myself with that one.  I spent many a-hour of my childhood in the high school football field house with my dad (he was a coach).  I liked to tinker with the weights, even though I really didn't know what I was doing but it was fun and I appreciated them and I would come to really enjoy them as I got older.  I was in the pep squad in middle school and I was a cheerleader and a mascot in high school for a while and I loved doing that.  I enjoyed being active.  I loved motivating people and making them smile, even if it was at my own expense and me having "blonde moments" as my dad would say.  I was sort of a dorky kid so it seemed to fit.  My junior year, I moved from one high school across town to our rival school.  It was a weird transition for me but I made the best of it.  It was change.  I had a lot of friends at the school and that's all that mattered to me, I was happy.  I hung up my pom-pom and tried my hand with raising animals.  Turns out.... I loved it!  I had one of the best looking pig pens at the AG barn because I spent a lot of time out there.  I made a commitment and wanted to do my very best and that's just what I did. 

I've always been sort of a competitive person but also just kind of go with the flow, pretty laid back.  I was also pretty outgoing....like I said, I would do anything to make someone smile. I remember laughing a lot.  That changed too.  I had a lot of years that were pretty unpleasant.  I felt trapped in an unhealthy marriage and I felt like I could barely keep my head above water most of the time.  I did my best to smile for everyone on the outside but the inside was another story.  I got pretty good at just being numb and living one day to the next without a lot of emotion.  My son was the reason I woke up every morning and the reason I kept a smile on my face.  I love that kid! 

Anyone who knows me knows that I have trouble sharing things that are really personal… I don’t like to focus on the negative or talk about myself too much and have always felt weird sharing things that were just unpleasant about me.  I think I just felt like I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems.  Turns out, I’ve held a lot in over the years and that is something I want to change as well.  It's really not easy to share quite so much about myself (especially my past), it's intemidating because it is so personal.  I don’t want to relive the past and I don’t want to knock anybody or make them look bad but I feel like I’ve lived through a thing or two and I know that I’m not the only one who has travelled this path.  I have always felt as though all of that negative stuff happened so that I could help others.  You know, I'm making lemonade out of the lemons that life handed to me.  I have said before, if I can get through to one person, then I think I’ve accomplished something positive. 

I interrupt this program to bring to you a public service announcement:  I realize, as I'm writing this, that it is a little repetitive of my first post.  Please bare with me, I promise it won't happen often.  I just feel like I needed to expand a little about my past (believe me, it's not easy and I'm not in my comfort zone but I feel it's something I need to say).  Soooo, here's the rest of the story...

I stayed in that very unhealthy marriage for more years than I would like to admit.  I tried to leave but always got sucked right back in.  I was so unhappy.  I told myself that because I hadn't been "hit" that I wasn't in an abusive relationship.  I thought yelling was normal.  I even made excuses when I was belittled.  I quit caring about myself.  I quit caring about what i looked like.... well, aside from my hair and make up... I mean, seriously, I'm the girl that will do hair/makeup to go hunting or just to walk to the mailbox!  Anyway, I stopped exercising completely because I just didn't care about much of anything.  At my heaviest and you should know, I’m totally humiliated sharing this… but it’s important…. I was 256 pounds.  That kind of weight, it just drains you to do much of anything.  It's exhausting.  I watched exercise videos while sitting on the couch with a bag of chips thinking... I should be doing this.  I justified why I couldn't but I kept telling myself that someday.... someday I will get up off of this couch and do that too, but at the time, I just couldn’t find the motivation nor the energy.

This went on for many, many years.  Some people say you have to hit rock bottom in order to “see the light”…. I have seen the bottom of that rock and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty.  In the midst of my personal struggles, I have been blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life that really care about me and helped me whether they may realized it or not.  I was able to come to the realization that enough was enough.  It was the first step… it was going to be change and it was scary!!

As time went on, I surrounded myself with more amazing people and was starting to feel a lot better about myself…but I ended up looking down the same path that I had been in before.  I ended up in another unhealthy relationship.  Things seemed to be good but they weren’t.  I wanted to “better” myself and do something about my weight but life got in the way.  Another excuse…. I know!  I’m tellin’ ya, I was the Queen of Excuses.  Luckily, I saw the signs and was able to do something about it before it was too late.  I regret how certain things happened but all I can do is live and learn from yet another mistake or what I like to call “experience”. 

I wasn’t expecting it, but my life has been changed forever…change can be scary sometimes but sometimes it is needed.  Sometimes, it can be good… in fact, it can be very good.  In my case, it was very, very good.  My friend, Mercie told me for years that the right person would come along when I was least expecting it and boy was she right!!  I know that I don’t need anyone in my life to feel good about myself; I learned that the hard way.  I had to learn to take responsibility and stop making so many excuses.  Sure, it’s nice to have someone to share things with but sometimes, you settle for a situation and in my case, that’s what I did.  I settled for something that wasn’t good enough for me (not once but twice).  I deserved a lot better but because I had been beaten down by life and circumstances and I seemed to be stuck in a pattern, I all but gave up (yet again) and figured that my life was about as could as it was gonna get.

I knew that I needed to do something about my weight.  I fluctuated up and down for years.  When I was depressed the weight went up.  Occasionally, I worked to lose weight but damn, it was hard!  I had neglected myself for so long; I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to start.  I was going to give up on men completely because that didn’t seem to be working for me.   I used to joke with my friend Joe and say that it was time to join a convent, only I wasn’t Catholic…. But those were just semantics.  Maybe if I could just focus on myself, I could be successful  When I left what I will refer to as “husband number 2”, I had a broken hand (that’s a whole other story and I'll spare those details) but I knew that when that cast came off it was time to seriously consider re-evaluating some things in my life…..that’s right….more change!

Life is all about change.  It’s about living life, making memories and experiencing new things.  We have to get out of our comfort zone…. Sort of like with me and this blog.  I’m sharing things that I normally wouldn’t tell anyone outside a small group of friends, but if I kept these things to myself, what good would it have been for??

Right smack-dab in the middle of trying to figure out how I was going to go about making some positive changes for me, God placed someone in my life.  This is that “very very good change” I mentioned earlier.  I had  prayed for help and for Him to place the right person in my path for a very long time and being the impatient person that I am…I had all but given up and I was okay with being alone.  Maybe that’s what was meant to be.  Apparently, this was when I least expected it….Mercie was right!  (She's one smart cookie)  This is when I met Sam.  Sam isn’t only my best friend and better half… he makes me want to be a better person.  He has never once asked me to change anything about myself (nor would he – that’s just how he rolls) but I asked him to help me because I didn’t know where to start.  Sam is an athletic guy and a power lifter and knows a thing or two about lifting weights and losing weight.  He isn’t the reason I am losing weight, I am losing weight for myself but I love how excited he gets not for me…. but with me.  Everyone needs a “Sam” in their life who gives them inspiration and motivation and a little boost every now and then when we need it most.

This is but the beginning of our journey… we are a great team.  We motivate each other in ways I have never experienced and I am blessed beyond measure to have Sam in my life.  It’s because of him, that I want to share my story with anyone who is willing to listen to me ramble on and on.  My story isn’t just about losing weight… it’s about life.  If I can find a way to put down that bag of potato chips, get up off of the couch and do something to make myself feel better, anyone can do it.  It’s not rocket science!  It’s not always going to be easy and life will get in the way occasionally but I’m here to say that it can be done.  What is it they say…..How do you eat an elephant??  One bite at a time! 

From the beginning.... this is my story

Hmmm, where do I start.  I've been thinking about starting a blog to track my weightloss journey and just give myself an outlet to talk about life in general.  I'm going to catch up from the beginning so please, forgive me if this is lengthy...

Once upon a time, I was thin and as I grew older... well, things changed.  I started having problems with my weight back in 1993 when I got pregnant with my only child. I had some complications and put on a lot of weight.  When I say alot, I looked like a manatee!  Hell, I'll be honest and say that I ate whatever I wanted.  I justified it to myself.  I fought depression because of a crappy marriage.  I've got lots of excuses.  I've used them as a crutch for many many years... but you know what??  Those are just excuses.  I have been FULL of them over the years... but things have changed.  Dont's worry... I'll get to that part.  It's the good part, trust me.

I ended my crappy marriage and eventually started excercising... this was approximately 5 years ago.  I had a work out partner and things were looking good.  I lost about 30 pounds but something happened.  My work out partner eventually moved away and I found yet another excuse to quit.  I reconnected with someone from my past and things were looking up and before I knew it, I got remarried.  Things seemed ok at first but I wasn't eating right, I wasn't excercising and I found myself stuck in the same type situation as my first crappy/abusive  marriage. I should have known better...it turns out it was a big mistake... huge.... but the way I see it, it may have been a blessing in disguise.  I had to go through a little more BS to understand and fully appreciate when the right person came into my life.  Luckily, that marriage was short lived (lesson learned) and I was in a position to move on.

Ok... we're getting closer.  Last October, I met the man that would come to change my life completly.  He liked me and fell in love with me for me not for what I looked like, rather, the woman who I am.  He "saw" me in the midst of the mess of myself that I was. He saw the real me.

He is a fit man that works out and is a power lifter.  I found that extremly interesting.... ok, I won't lie... it was a turn on.  Who doesn't like a nice built, muscular guy, especially when the package included someone that is handsome, nice, sweet, caring, funny and always wants to make sure I'm happy and can really fill out a pair of Wranglers if you know what I mean?  He's an amazing dad.  He's smart and on the occasions when we drive each other crazy, well, I couldn't stay mad at him if I tried (but don't tell him that I said that).  I love him.  I love his children.  I love his family... my life has been changed forever.

One early Saturday morning in December, I decided I was tired of living the way I had been.  I weighed 237 lbs, I was ashamed of that and I decided I was going to wake up and go walking.  I was tired of being overweight and I knew that I needed to make some changes. Sam always sent me a good morning text every morning when he went to the gym so that motivated me to think about myself and my own personal goals. I knew that he didn't care what I looked like but that he wanted me to be healthy so I would be around for a long time.  I knew that being fit was a priority to him and I decided it was about time it was my priority as well.  I got up that morning, put on my walking shoes and went to the park to walk a lap around the track.  You know what I realized??  I realized I was more out of shape than I had thought but I promised myself that day that I was going to stick to this once and for all.

I continued walking at the park every morning before work and eventually bought myself a gym membership.  I enlisted some help of a friend and asked Sam to help me.  I went on a diet... a strict diet and I increased my cardio and I added in some weight machines.  I have used them before a long time ago and rememberd how much I enjoyed lifting weights... I just needed guidance... ok, more than a little.  I need a lot but it's ok.

I enjoyed my gym a lot and had a gym buddy but the equipment there was minimal and I knew it would be a matter of time before I needed to upgrade so in March, Sam and I joined a gym together.  This was just the motivation I needed.  He could help me and guide me and even make some suggestions, plus, I would get to see him every day.... Score!  We make a great team.
 
I went from no excercise and no dieting to strict dieting and going to the gym 6 days a week... holy cow.... not only did I start going to the gym but I drug my butt out of bed at 4 AM just to do it.  Let me just repeat....Holy Cow!

I have changed up my diet in order to shock my body.  I am no longer on an extremly strict diet but I watch what I eat and I stay within 1200 calories per day.  This includes my post work out whey protein shake and my evening casein protein shake.  I take one day off per week where I can be less strict and I even enjoy a glass of wine! 

When I started dieting, it was so hard to be around anyone who ate... you see, I like food.  I like to cook.  My way of showing someone I care is to cook for them but I'm from Texas and we cook with butter and bacon down here... so, you see where that can be a problem!  I would get so hungry I will admit that I cheated on my diet on occasion... and I always felt terrible afterwards and I was ashamed of myself; Especially when I got on the scale and it reminded me of my weakness!  So I made some changes.  I'm trying to learn about nutrition.  I am more flexible with what I eat and even though I have a day where I don't have to be strict, I still think about what I can and want to eat.  It's about changing the way I think and the way I live.  When I'm surrounded by people who care and who understand and who are supportive... it makes life so much easier!!  I don't mind getting up at 4 AM.  I don't mind cooking and eating healthier because I'm not starving myself and I don't feel like I'm really missing out.

I post a lot about my journey on my personal facebook page.  At first, I was afraid that people would get tired of all of my gym check in's, my updates, my "Hey, I've lost another 5 pounds" type posts.... but  I've got to say... I've got some pretty amazing friends.  They are so encouraging for me and it gives me just what I need to continue from one day to the next.  Some people tell me that I'm inspiring or motivating them to better themselves.  I don't know about the inspiring part but I'm glad that I can use my story to help anyone else!

If I have learned anything in my 40 years... yes, I said 40... it's that I have had a lot of really crappy things handed to me in life but I never gave up.  If I can get through and help one person then I think it was all worth it. Sam says that I inspire him... well, I don't know about that... I don't know how I could.... he's a pretty amazing guy and has been through every bit as much as I have... if not more than I have.  The way I see it, it just took us some time to get to where we are and find each other because we make one helluva team together!!

He is my biggest fan and I appreciate him more than words can ever say for being so supportive, being so encouraging and for truely being excited about my journey.  Every bit of my progress he celebrates with me and says it is OUR progress because I'm not doing this alone.  Could I be any luckier??  I can answer that.... No, I can't.

Since December, I have lost 48 lbs.  I've still got a long road to travel but I'm not alone.  It's hard work but each day gets a little easier.  Each day I find the motivation that I need.  Each day.... I'm just happy!  There will be setbacks occasionally... some days it's harder than others but I have the love and support of my Sam, my son, my friends and family and I am dedicated, determined, motivated, not to mention stubborn enough to prove that I can do this!