Motivation

Today ends another month of my journey; just 7 more months till the wedding…. That means 7 months to fit into my wedding dress, which by the way, has already been purchased, delivered and is hanging in my closet. I set a goal that I wanted to be down to 130 lbs by the time of the wedding and I have obsessed over it. Since the day I started my journey (nearly a year ago) to the day I began “Operation Wedding Dress” to now, I have come a long way. I have come a long way despite not losing as much weight as I feel like I should have, despite the many obstacles and plateaus of not losing weight, despite the knee pain, knee surgery and continued knee pain that I deal with daily… I have chosen not to give up. That thought has never once occurred to me.

I remember just days after surgery thinking that I could get back into the gym and I tried… but I quickly learned that I just wasn’t ready. I continued trying every chance I could… most of the time, realizing that I wasn’t ready… even though everyone kept telling me to slow down. I wanted to be back in the gym. I needed it. I didn’t like the feeling of sitting at home and doing nothing. Ok, yeah, I was recovering from surgery but I guess I was afraid that it might just be easier to sit and do nothing than to work hard for what I really want. I “just sat and did nothing” for years and frankly, I just got tired of it. I made a commitment to myself last December (December 8th to be exact) and I refuse to go back to living the life I had been for so long. I owe it to myself!

I have tried different approaches to losing weight and decided that I pretty much have a handle on my exercise and weight training. Sam helps with that and we come up with things that won’t irritate my knee too much…. I appreciate that! I know I have said this before.... but this would be a good time to mention just how lucky I am to have him in my life!

My diet is what has been giving me headaches! I’ve tried a few things, different meal plans, counting calories, even tried to wing it on my own for a while but I got to a point where after a while, nothing seemed to work. Sort of like right now. I fluxuate up and down within about 4 lbs and have done that for a while. Maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe if I step back and breathe, I can just get back on track.

We’ve been trying to eat clean recently and I just received a new meal plan that I am going to try out and see if this helps or not, basically it's just a bunch of recipes with the nutrition info already figured out... so, it can't hurt. I know that my doctor keeps saying that If I eat the foods that the good Lord made, I will lose weight. I assume I still need to stay around a certain number of calories, I’m not sure. I have read a lot about how many calories I should be eating and almost every site says something different... that's not very helpful! I have asked for help on facebook a few times but I get a lot of replies that say that you have to try this product or that product. Some of them, I am interested in (especially the shakes… it seems like it may be an easy meal while I’m at work and away from home and don't have time to cook)…. But others will say that I need to buy their supplements and say that if I do, I will lose weight and I don’t even have to work out. Well, that’s a load of crap. There is NO magic pill that will do that. Trust me, I know. I’ve looked for it! I’m not saying I am against supplements, I take some of them myself but I’m not going to run out and buy something that I haven’t researched and definitely not something that is promoted by saying that you can lose weight without exercising. I’ve worked too hard and am smart enough to know otherwise and I don't want to un-do all of the hard work that I have put in.

Perhaps, I need to not worry so much about my goal weight and reaching it before June 14th (that's our wedding date, in case you were wondering) but rather to continue eating healthy and exercising daily. I know it will come off. If I’m going to obsess about anything, maybe it should be the fact that my dress is pretty form fitting and I need to flatten my abs…lol.

I have come across a lot of people through Facebook recently and they are so encouraging to me! A lot of them have traveled and are traveling a similar road that I have and it’s really nice to meet and reach out to them, to read their stories, make new friends and be encouraged by them. Losing weight, any amount of weight, is hard work. Let me just emphasize that…… losing weight is HARD but it can be done. I have literally encountered my own blood, sweat and lots of tears but I’m determined. It’s nice to have companions that are going through the same thing, that understand the struggles and that help lift me up when I need it. I'm not saying that I don't get that from my friends and family but they understand the daily struggles and it's helpful to have a network of people that have been there and done that.

I have a doctor appointment in another week and we will discuss another MRI. If my knee is still damaged, who knows what they will want to do. I’m just going to remain positive and do what I can, when I can and continue pushing myself as hard as I can. I will be proud of myself for doing so well, for staying motivated and for working so hard. I will live my life one day at a time and make the best choices that I can.