What's up?

Well, I'm embarassed to admit that my last post was on May 20.... that was like 4 months ago. So much has happened since then!! I haven't lost much weight, well, I take that back, I did hit the 60 lb mark... but I'll get to that. Let's see... the condensed version of what's been going on (for those of you that know me, you know it's difficult for me to make a long story short...lol). Let's see, on June 10, while Sam's parents were here visiting from out of state, we were sitting around the dining room table having a really nice evening, talking and catching up and out of no where, Sam proposed to me. That had to be one of the best days of my life! It was awesome and I am so glad that his parents were here to share that with us. Shortly thereafter, we set a date and "Operation Fit Into a Wedding Dress" began. I knew I had to step-up my game. I know that he loves me... otherwise, we wouldn't be where we are now and he fell in love with me when I weighed 237 lbs... that's right... two hundred and thirty seven pounds. (You know, there was a time when I would have died had anyone knew how much I weighed!!) Anyway... since I had already committed to losing weight for myself, I wanted to look good on my wedding day. I have been overweight for so long, that I just felt like I deserved this. I also want to do this for Sam... I guess I just want him to look at me and I want to knock his socks off. I know, that's cheesy! So... I was doing really well even though I had been having some knee pain. Some days it wasn't too bad other days it was. I went to the doctor and had an MRI and not only did I have pretty bad arthritis but they said that I damaged my meniscus. I did my best and pushed thru any pain I was feeling.... until, it was decided that I needed surgery. I really wasn't crazy about this idea but we went for it and on July 31 (a Wednesday), I had knee surgery. I thought I could take off the rest of the week and go back to work the following Monday and if I was really careful, I didn't see any reason I couldn't go to the gym and work upper body either. Well, I was a little too optomistic. I was actually home for a couple of weeks and when I was able to get back to the gym (which was still sooner than I probably should have.... but I'm hard headed) Eventually, I was going a couple times per week. Things were looking better and I started to really push myself but turns out that was a bad idea too. I pushed myself a little too far several weeks ago. I ended up having to go back to the doctor (and this was just last week). I got a steroid shot and we're hoping that the arthritis is just aggrevated... fingers crossed that's it. If not, I will have another MRI to see if I damaged it further while I was pushing myself too. People tell me all the time that I need to slow down and believe me when I say that I'm not trying to disregard what they are saying, it's not that I don't care. It's just that I have set a goal and although, I have not lost any weight in over 4 months and I realize I might not make my 50 lb goal by this summer... but I'm trying and the closer I am to that goal, the happier I will be. My plan is not to stop when I hit 50 more lbs.... no way. What I am doing is actually part of my life now. I may be able to take it a little easier on myself, indulge a little from time to time, but I don't ever want to be 237 lbs again. Also, I think anyone who has lost a substantial amount of weight knows where I'm coming from, when you have worked so hard to lose weight, there is always something inside of you that is afraid of putting it back on. Sure, I lost it once and I can lose it again. Definately. But it is a scary thought! I'm back in the gym and my goal is to try to make it 5 days per week. I am still taking it easy and only working upper body. In stead of the cardio I've been doing, Sam and I have changed things up. I feel good after my workouts but sometimes, it's hard. I just don't like to admit that it's too much, in fear of not making my goal. Rather than dieting, I've been doing a lot of research and we are eating better.... cleaner. I'm tracking calories again too so that I can track and log what I'm eating. I know it will happen and I'll get there eventually... it's not always easy, in fact, some days it is down-right hard.....I will continue to have struggles and even bad days but I'm not a quitter.