From the beginning.... this is my story

Hmmm, where do I start.  I've been thinking about starting a blog to track my weightloss journey and just give myself an outlet to talk about life in general.  I'm going to catch up from the beginning so please, forgive me if this is lengthy...

Once upon a time, I was thin and as I grew older... well, things changed.  I started having problems with my weight back in 1993 when I got pregnant with my only child. I had some complications and put on a lot of weight.  When I say alot, I looked like a manatee!  Hell, I'll be honest and say that I ate whatever I wanted.  I justified it to myself.  I fought depression because of a crappy marriage.  I've got lots of excuses.  I've used them as a crutch for many many years... but you know what??  Those are just excuses.  I have been FULL of them over the years... but things have changed.  Dont's worry... I'll get to that part.  It's the good part, trust me.

I ended my crappy marriage and eventually started excercising... this was approximately 5 years ago.  I had a work out partner and things were looking good.  I lost about 30 pounds but something happened.  My work out partner eventually moved away and I found yet another excuse to quit.  I reconnected with someone from my past and things were looking up and before I knew it, I got remarried.  Things seemed ok at first but I wasn't eating right, I wasn't excercising and I found myself stuck in the same type situation as my first crappy/abusive  marriage. I should have known better...it turns out it was a big mistake... huge.... but the way I see it, it may have been a blessing in disguise.  I had to go through a little more BS to understand and fully appreciate when the right person came into my life.  Luckily, that marriage was short lived (lesson learned) and I was in a position to move on.

Ok... we're getting closer.  Last October, I met the man that would come to change my life completly.  He liked me and fell in love with me for me not for what I looked like, rather, the woman who I am.  He "saw" me in the midst of the mess of myself that I was. He saw the real me.

He is a fit man that works out and is a power lifter.  I found that extremly interesting.... ok, I won't lie... it was a turn on.  Who doesn't like a nice built, muscular guy, especially when the package included someone that is handsome, nice, sweet, caring, funny and always wants to make sure I'm happy and can really fill out a pair of Wranglers if you know what I mean?  He's an amazing dad.  He's smart and on the occasions when we drive each other crazy, well, I couldn't stay mad at him if I tried (but don't tell him that I said that).  I love him.  I love his children.  I love his family... my life has been changed forever.

One early Saturday morning in December, I decided I was tired of living the way I had been.  I weighed 237 lbs, I was ashamed of that and I decided I was going to wake up and go walking.  I was tired of being overweight and I knew that I needed to make some changes. Sam always sent me a good morning text every morning when he went to the gym so that motivated me to think about myself and my own personal goals. I knew that he didn't care what I looked like but that he wanted me to be healthy so I would be around for a long time.  I knew that being fit was a priority to him and I decided it was about time it was my priority as well.  I got up that morning, put on my walking shoes and went to the park to walk a lap around the track.  You know what I realized??  I realized I was more out of shape than I had thought but I promised myself that day that I was going to stick to this once and for all.

I continued walking at the park every morning before work and eventually bought myself a gym membership.  I enlisted some help of a friend and asked Sam to help me.  I went on a diet... a strict diet and I increased my cardio and I added in some weight machines.  I have used them before a long time ago and rememberd how much I enjoyed lifting weights... I just needed guidance... ok, more than a little.  I need a lot but it's ok.

I enjoyed my gym a lot and had a gym buddy but the equipment there was minimal and I knew it would be a matter of time before I needed to upgrade so in March, Sam and I joined a gym together.  This was just the motivation I needed.  He could help me and guide me and even make some suggestions, plus, I would get to see him every day.... Score!  We make a great team.
 
I went from no excercise and no dieting to strict dieting and going to the gym 6 days a week... holy cow.... not only did I start going to the gym but I drug my butt out of bed at 4 AM just to do it.  Let me just repeat....Holy Cow!

I have changed up my diet in order to shock my body.  I am no longer on an extremly strict diet but I watch what I eat and I stay within 1200 calories per day.  This includes my post work out whey protein shake and my evening casein protein shake.  I take one day off per week where I can be less strict and I even enjoy a glass of wine! 

When I started dieting, it was so hard to be around anyone who ate... you see, I like food.  I like to cook.  My way of showing someone I care is to cook for them but I'm from Texas and we cook with butter and bacon down here... so, you see where that can be a problem!  I would get so hungry I will admit that I cheated on my diet on occasion... and I always felt terrible afterwards and I was ashamed of myself; Especially when I got on the scale and it reminded me of my weakness!  So I made some changes.  I'm trying to learn about nutrition.  I am more flexible with what I eat and even though I have a day where I don't have to be strict, I still think about what I can and want to eat.  It's about changing the way I think and the way I live.  When I'm surrounded by people who care and who understand and who are supportive... it makes life so much easier!!  I don't mind getting up at 4 AM.  I don't mind cooking and eating healthier because I'm not starving myself and I don't feel like I'm really missing out.

I post a lot about my journey on my personal facebook page.  At first, I was afraid that people would get tired of all of my gym check in's, my updates, my "Hey, I've lost another 5 pounds" type posts.... but  I've got to say... I've got some pretty amazing friends.  They are so encouraging for me and it gives me just what I need to continue from one day to the next.  Some people tell me that I'm inspiring or motivating them to better themselves.  I don't know about the inspiring part but I'm glad that I can use my story to help anyone else!

If I have learned anything in my 40 years... yes, I said 40... it's that I have had a lot of really crappy things handed to me in life but I never gave up.  If I can get through and help one person then I think it was all worth it. Sam says that I inspire him... well, I don't know about that... I don't know how I could.... he's a pretty amazing guy and has been through every bit as much as I have... if not more than I have.  The way I see it, it just took us some time to get to where we are and find each other because we make one helluva team together!!

He is my biggest fan and I appreciate him more than words can ever say for being so supportive, being so encouraging and for truely being excited about my journey.  Every bit of my progress he celebrates with me and says it is OUR progress because I'm not doing this alone.  Could I be any luckier??  I can answer that.... No, I can't.

Since December, I have lost 48 lbs.  I've still got a long road to travel but I'm not alone.  It's hard work but each day gets a little easier.  Each day I find the motivation that I need.  Each day.... I'm just happy!  There will be setbacks occasionally... some days it's harder than others but I have the love and support of my Sam, my son, my friends and family and I am dedicated, determined, motivated, not to mention stubborn enough to prove that I can do this!